Trust. How can something so fragile be also steadying…grounding…
I think of marriages, friendships, community. Years to build intimacy…the moments in between weaving memories, experiences, strengths that stack upon each other, and create and bond…and yet we are still so vulnerable. A slip up, a series of harsh words, broken promises in disrepair, and strength can turn to a house of cards.
Trust. A paradox of our lives. Fragile yet steadying.
I think of God. And our trusting in the midst of apparent absence. in the midst of suffering and despair. in places of disgust and frustration.
We have promises on a page… of availability and sustenance. We have moments that remind us that Trust is necessary.
I Trust because here, in Kolkata, there is no where else to turn…
As a dear friend described to me last night…if we were free falling off a cliff…pushed clean off our feet, we’d grab for whatever branch we could find to hold on to…it is an adequate descriptor for Faith in God especially in this place…life is unstable, it is difficult to see Goodness. It is difficult to trust in promises that seem distant, but when one is free falling…there is no other choice but to grab on and hold…even if by a branch…even if our faith is fragile…and trust seems futile. When one is tumbling down a cliff, even a branch is better than the alternative…
I share with you a psalm i wrote Sunday…and a prayer from Walter Brueggemann to end…if you feel offended, please take a look at Pslam 142…we’re not that un-similar, David and us…perhaps the more we can practice being honest…the deeper our trust in the Branch will grow…
A Psalm of Faith
It’s like you get us when our hearts are soft
then let us get stabbed in the back. fucked.
What do we get for putting our Trust in You?
Maybe you’re too busy giving new iphones and parking places to hear the cries of the poor and the suffering…
We’re trying. Trying to trust. Trying to hope and dream and be.
Longing to allow You to move in and through us.
We fight & submit. Fight & submit.
But our deepest final choice is You.
It always will be.
We’ve got nothing outside of that.
We can control nothing.
We are not safe from heartache, or sickness, death, disappointment, nor pain.
We are not safe from your absence.
But we can still believe. We acknowledge that outside of Faith in You, holding things in tension, making things right by the slow changing of the tide…there is nothing.
And we have made our choice…
Against a Closed Sky
God of all our times;
We have known since the day of our birth
that our primal task is to grow to basic trust in you,
to rely on you in every circumstance,
to know that you would return when you are away,
to trust that in your absence you will soon be present,
to be assured that you silence bespeaks attentiveness
and not neglect,
to know that in your abiding faithfulness,
“all will be well, and all will be well”.
We do trust in you:
we are named by your name,
and bonded in your service.
We are among those who sing your praise
and who know of your deep faithfulness.
You, you however, are not easy to trust:
We pray against a close sky;
our hope reduced to auto-suggestion;
our petitions are more habit than hope;
our intercessions are kindly gestures of well-being.
Sometimes more many times not,
because your silence and absence,
your indifference and tardiness are glaring among us.
We are drawn to find lesser gods,
many forms of self trust….
that do not even fool us.
On this Friday of remembered pain and echoing deathliness,
We pray for new measures of passion,
for fresh waves of resolve,
for courage, energy, and freedom, to be our true selves…
waiting in confidence,
and while waiting, acting our life towards you
in your ways of forgiving generosity.
We pray in the name of Jesus who trusted fully, and
who is himself fully worthy of our Trust.